The 7 Deadly Sins in Video Games

The following article was published in a Catholic Church Forum in South Carolina, 1994, examining the 7 Deadly Sins in videogames of the era:

This is an urgent message to parents with young children and all who worship the Lord. A popular form of entertainment has emerged in the last decade known as "Video Games." While they may seem an innocent pass-time for our children, the prevalence of the Seven Deadly Sins in these games is prolific. Here are but a few examples of each Sin that have been brought to our attention.

Lust: Apparently, the ultimate goal of these Video Games is to rescue a princess -- a cause that seems noble and just, but is merely lust in disguise, for once the player completes the game and rescues the princess, does she marry the hero before a minister? No. The screen merely fades to black, an obvious implication of seduction and pre-marital fornication.

Gluttony: Overindulgence is common in Video Game characters. “Pacman” is nothing but a giant mouth who races through mazes devouring "energizers" (or drugs), fruit (the Devil’s temptations), and even phantoms (servants of the Dark Lord). Other gluttonous characters include “Yoshi,” Mario’s pet dinosaur who binges on its foes, and “Kirby,” a deceivingly sweet-looking puffball with a vacuum for a mouth and a bottomless pit for a stomach (an obvious reference to the Underworld). Considering the addictive nature of Video Games and the strenuous amount of time it takes to complete them, the act of playing the games themselves is a form of gluttony.

Greed: The collection of obscene amounts of “coins” and “GP” (gold pieces) is another trademark in Video Games. In games like "Mario" and "Sonic," for every one hundred coins you collect, you’re rewarded with “extra life.” As we all know, wealth is NOT the Holy Grail of everlasting life. In "The Final Fantasies," you collect gold in order to purchase new weapons of destruction. These games encourage children to value material goods and war over Christian values like generosity and peace.

Sloth: To play Video Games is to seek solitude, and in isolation is where the Devil thrives. These games pit the player against the rest of the world, which tricks children into thinking everyone is against them, including the Lord, thus leading children astray to atheism and other secular theories.

Wrath: Video Games are centered around killing your opponents before they kill you. This teaches children to resort to anger and violence rather than resolve issues in a civilized and pious manner. Also, the difficulty level of these games are allegedly so great, they cause the player uncontrollable feelings of anger and hatred. Witnesses testify to hearing their normally well-behaved children shouting unholy profanities at the television monitor while playing.

Envy: This Sin is usually reserved for Video Game villains such as "Donkey Kong" and "Bowser," who kidnap the hero’s love interest (or lust interest) for themselves. However, you may be shocked to learn that even the heroes of these games exhibit signs of envy. Characters like “Megaman” and the aforementioned Satanist "Kirby" actually steal their opponents’ abilities upon defeating them. “Role Playing Games,” which are also notorious for their favorable depictions of black magic, typically feature thieves that the player must use to steal from others. These games inspire children to resort to crime and witchcraft.

Pride: Many Video Game characters display excessive love of themselves, evident by advertising their name on their clothing (such as the “M” and “L” on Mario and Luigi’s hats and the “D” on Donkey Kong’s tie, which are all subliminal references to Satan, also known as “Mephisto,” “Lucifer” and “Diablo”). Pride is also common in games of the racing and fighting nature, characterized by poor sportsmanship, gloating, cheating and suggestive victory dances.

As you can see, the Seven Deadly Sins are omnipresent in Video Games. They are a haven for the Devil’s tricks. He gets to our children while they’re young and susceptible, in our own houses, right under our family’s noses. You must confiscate all your children’s Video Games and destroy them immediately, before they convert the next generation to Satanists and Pagans. Pray for your children’s forgiveness and suggest to them alternative pass-times such as playing sports, joining a youth service, or reading the Bible.

The previous article was actually a satire written by Arek as an April Fool's joke in 2009.

10 Common Misconceptions Everyone Should Correct

Blood is red, not blue; the Koala is a marsupial, not a bear; and the Solar System has eight planets, not nine (sorry, Pluto). With all of today’s political promises, too-good-to-be-true sales offers and questionably accurate websites [citation needed], it’s hard to know what to believe. I can’t separate all the facts from fiction, but I can cure ten common misconceptions that most people seem to suffer from. See how many of these you didn’t know:

1. Noah's Ark
Pop quiz: how many of each animal were on Noah’s Ark? Two, right? WRONG! The tale specifically states that the ship carried a whopping seven of each “clean beast” and only two of the “unclean beasts.” Sounds like Noah's gonna need a bigger boat...

2. “Luke, I Am Your Father”
Don't you hate it when someone tries quoting a great line and just butchers it? Well, of all the famous incorrectly quoted movie lines, none were so popular as Darth Vader's when he spilled the beans about his family tree at the end of The Empire Strikes Back. However, us true geeks know Vader's actual line as, “No. I am your father.” Oh, and in case you were wondering, Luke’s line is, “NOOOOOOOOOO!"

3. One of Zero Objects Visible From Space
The Great Wall of China is often credited as being visible from space… but is it? Sure, maybe from “inner space.” In low orbit, you’re still able to see a lot of things, such as highways and buildings. But from any real distance, like the moon, no man-made objects are visible (after all, the Wall is only ten feet wide). China was just being greedy.

4. Itch That -- Wait, Scratch That
This mistake is so common that it’s actually become acceptable, even by some dictionary's standards. But if you ever ask me to “itch your scratch,” I’ll do more than correct you! I still adhere to the old Itchy and Scratchy rule of grammar, which states that “itch” refers to the irritating sensation of the skin and that “scratch” refers to the reflexive response. Personally, it itches me when people are so ignorant, and correcting them is like a good, satisfying scratch.

5. Pass Me a Kleenex
You mean, pass you a tissue! “Kleenex” is actually a specific brand name for tissues, but due to its catchy name (and a good marketing campaign), the product became so popular that it’s virtually replaced the generic name for a tissue. Imagine if things turned out differently and we all said, “Pass me a Puff."

6. Frankenstein
When most people hear the name, they picture the monster. But anyone who read Mary Shelley’s classic knows that Frankenstein was actually the doctor. I blame this misconception on uneducated Halloween-costume-designers and misleading films titles like Bride of Frankenstein. But seriously, why didn't Franky name the monster? If he was brilliant enough to create life, you think he’d at least be smart enough to come up with a good name, like, I dunno, “Stitches.”

7. Speaking of Doctors…
Theodor Seuss Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, was one of the most beloved and influential poets of the 20th century. Everyone knows “Green Eggs and Ham” and “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!,” but not many know that Seuss is actually pronounced “Zoice” (rhymes with voice, not juice). You can’t blame parents or kids for this one. Seuss was an intensely private man who never left his tower long enough to correct anyone. So when you introduce your kids to Seuss (which you’d better), please introduce, too, the correct pronunciation.

8. Pong Was Not the First Videogame
Nerds: take a minute. Catch your breath. It’s true. At the time of the game’s release (in 1972), electronic interactive games, however basic, had already been around for over twenty years. I've also heard Pong referred to as the first arcade game, the first home console game and the first multiplayer game, all of which are false. However, Pong was the first videogame to achieve enormous popularity, and is widely credited with launching the modern videogame industry. So, for all you gamers out there, bow down before the almighty ball and paddles.

9. The Swastika
Though commonly associated with the Nazi party, the figure known today as the “swastika” actually dates back to the Stone Age. It was often used as a good luck symbol and was especially popular in ancient cultures due to its appearance on the pattern of weaved baskets. The shape was used by Persians, Celts, Greeks, Buddhists, Hindus, and Native Americans before being adopted by Adolf and his merry men. However, I still wouldn't recommend getting it tattooed anywhere visible.

10. You Could Care Less, Right?
Well, technically, the expression, “I could care less,” means, in fact, the opposite, for if one claims it possible to “care less” about a subject, one implies they care at least somewhat for said subject. Therefore, if one wishes to express disinterest in the subject, one should instead elect to say, “I could care more.” As if one even cares.

So, the next time somebody misquotes, mispronounces or just misses entirely... do us all a favor. Correct them. P.S. -- I apologize to fans of Pluto, but it was demoted from planetary status in 2006, as it failed to meet the new “planetary guidelines.”