Hi-diddly-ho, nerdorinos! No nerd history course would be complete without a lesson on The Simpsons. What started as short sketches on The Tracey Ullman Show spunoff into the most popular, successful and longest-running animated sitcom of all time, which has aired on Fox for a whopping twenty-two seasons and still counting. Back in the nineties, it attracted an army of devoted fans, including yours truly. I was there on my sofa's ass-groove every evening at 5pm to catch Bart's chalkboard gag. I would often hurry into the kitchen for a bowl of cereal while listening for Lisa's saxophone solo and always returned to my couch just in time to see the Simpsons return to theirs. What followed was an hour of glorious entertainment: two back-to-back episodes! My childhood is synonymous with this show. My friends and I would quote it religiously and even try to stump each other with our own trivia questions. But by the time I reached high school, I found myself asking...
What happened to you, Simpsons? You used to be cool...
Television shows are like clocks: they have to constantly be changing or everyone will stop looking. There are only so many jokes, so much drama, so many stories you can tell in a particular setting or style. Television writers are smart enough to make changes constantly to keep the show fresh... or at least try to. In the first decade of The Simpsons, the changes were all good. The show got faster, funnier, more attractive and more imaginative. Though the Simpsons themselves never aged, their personalities grew ever-deeper, as did their fellow Springfielders'. But during season ten, it became apparent that the show was getting too fast, too far-fetched and too far away from what it once was. To quote the self-deprecating season 11 episode, Behind the Laughter, “Episodes increasingly resorted to gimmicky premises and nonsensical plots... trendy guest stars were shamelessly trotted out to grab ratings.” That isn't to say there weren't ever any great episodes after season nine; they just became fewer and further between. Nor is the show by any means bad today, it's just too different, and I think most fans agree.
But enough of the bad, let’s get back to the good. The first nine seasons of The Simpsons were so prolific, I could have made a list of my top 200 favorite episodes. But for sanity's sake, I'll stick to twenty.
#20: Krusty Gets Busted
Episode #12 (Season 1)
When Krusty the Clown is arrested for knocking over the Kwik-E-Mart, no one believes he's innocent... except his number one fan. Bart Simpson knows in his heart that the corny comedian would never commit armed robbery, so he attempts to prove Krusty was framed. This episode was a great little mystery that began a lifelong feud between Bart and a criminal mastermind, a recurring subplot that continued throughout the entire series, making this episode mandatory viewing. I really admired Bart's undying devotion to his idol and the rewarding message it brings – imagine getting the chance to become a hero to your hero!
#19: One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish
Episode #24 (Season 2)
After eating improperly prepared Fugu at a Chinese restaurant, Homer has twenty-four hours to live. He makes a bucket list for his last day on Earth, but all his plans go humorously awry. The show's greatest strength was that it could be just as emotional as it was funny. This is a very sad, touching episode that really inspires you to appreciate the gift of life while you still have it. Nearly all of the show's music was composed by the great Alf Clausen, and this episode has some of his finest work.
#18: The Way We Was
Episode #25 (Season 2)
This flashback episode told the story of how Homer and Marge met in high school and very nearly didn't fall in love. Set back in the seventies, it's full of great nostalgia and ironic humor, like Homer laughing at the idea of him ever working at the new nuclear power plant. It was fun to see Homer as a skinny stoner with a full head of hair and Marge as a fiery feminist who wore her hair down. This was another episode that will tickle your heartstrings as much as your funnybone.
#17: Lisa's Wedding
Episode #122 (Season 6)
In this “flash forward” episodes, Lisa meets a fortune teller at a renaissance festival who offers her a glimpse into her future. It was cool to see Bart and Lisa all grown up. After all, they'd been eight and ten for over twenty years. In her mid-twenties, Lisa falls in love with a British man named Hugh who's perfect in every way... except for the fact that he despises Lisa's family. Much like #18, this one had a lot of time-related humor, only the other way around, with jokes about the future. I particularly enjoyed the renaissance version of Danny Elfman's amazing theme song over the closing credits.
#16: Brother From Another Series
Episode #169 (Season 8)
In all five of Sideshow Bob's previous episodes, he would hatch a brilliant murder scheme, and every time, he would be thwarted by a ten year-old named Bart. This episode continued the traditional feud between the two, but with a unique twist. Fans of Frasier (my all-time favorite sitcom) will adore this episode, which is basically one big Frasier spoof. It introduced Sideshow Bob's little brother, Cecil, and the voice actors who played Bob and Cecil also played the Crane brothers on Frasier. This whole episode is full of references and inside jokes, making it a very special, niche episode that only the nerdiest of nerds will understand and appreciate.
#15: Homer the Great
Episode #115 (Season 6)
Homer discovers the Stonecutters, a Freemasons-like secret society with chapters all over the world, including Springfield. This club is so cool! I wanna be a Stonecutter. Members get all sorts of awesome perks, like access to the “real” world history books and garage openers for underground tunnels you can use to bypass traffic jams. Patrick Stewart gueststars as Number One, the leader of the exclusive organization, and they all sing an outstanding musical number called “We Do.” I love how Simpsons characters frequently burst into showstopping songs, and "We Do" was one of the best.
#14: Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment
Episode #171 (Season 8)
After Bart gets drunk and disorderly on St. Patrick's Day, prohibition is reinstated. The incompetent Chief Wiggum is replaced by a terrific one-time villain, chief detective Rex Banner, a hardass hellbent on keeping the town dry (voiced by Dave Thomas). Homer decides to become a beer baron and bootleg booze. It all plays out like a mockumentary, complete with a narrator who speaks with a thick New York accent and thirties slang (also Dave Thomas). Homer is surprisingly smart in this episode – perhaps because his most beloved beverage is at stake. This episode has two of the greatest Homer lines of all time: “I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge......... so long!” and “To alcohol: the cause of and solution to all of life's problems!”
#13: Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily
Episode #131 (Season 7)
After a series of funny misunderstandings, Homer and Marge are deemed abusive parents by child welfare and their kids are sent to live with a foster family... the Flanders. While Ned showers the children with a ridiculously religious upbringing, Homer and Marge are treated to a ridiculously common-sense education. It all culminates at the Springfield river, where Homer must must rescue his children before they're baptized! This is a great feel-good episode the whole family should watch together. I still remember seeing this episode as a kid, and telling my dad I wished they would make a live action Simpsons film with Chris Farley as Homer and Phil Hartman as Flanders. I was heartbroken when my dad informed me that both of them had already died. RIP.
#12: Hurricane Neddy
Episode #161 (Season 8)
A hurricane tears through Springfield leaving the town surprisingly unharmed... except Flanders' house, which gets completely demolished. Ned is my favorite non-Simpsons Springfielder. Any episode that revolves around him is a guaranteed winner. It was great to see his backstory and then watch him go from one extreme to the other. In this episode, he finally loses his temper, his faith and his sanity. This story teaches some great life lessons. Bad things do happen to good people. It sucks, but the best way to get over it is to bitch about it. Keeping things bottled up can only lead to disaster.
#11: The Canine Mutiny
Episode #173 (Season 8)
This one's on par with the greatest dog movies of all time! Bart gets himself a credit card and starts committing mail fraud by ordering expensive items from magazines, including a $1200, professionally-trained border collie. Sure enough, the Lassie lookalike, Laddie, is welcomed warmly into the household, and regarded as far superior to their old family dog, Santa's Little Helper. So when the credit card company catches up with Bart's crimes and come to repossess all his merchandise, including Laddie, Bart gives them Santa's Little Helper instead. Beware: this one's a real heartbreaker.
#10: Treehouse of Horror VI
Episode #134 (Season 7)
Every year since Season 2 the Simpsons did a Halloween special, and they were all so great, I had a hell of a time choosing only one for this list. I love how these episodes were so outrageous that they aren't even considered canon. It gives the writers the freedom to do the most wild, funny things without worrying about the consequences. Only animation could get this creative. Each episode is a trilogy of short stories, mostly based on Twilight Zone episodes or classic horror films. Treehouse VI was my favorite. It had Attack of the 50 ft. Evesores, in which Homer steals a giant donut from a fast-food statue, which then comes alive to reclaim it; Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace, in which Groundskeeper Willie murders Springfield children in their dreams a la Freddy Krueger; and, my favorite Treehouse of Horror story of all time, Homer (Cubed), in which Homer discovers a portal into the third dimension. The 3D CG may look primitive today, but at the time, it was mind-blowing, especially since it was pre-Toy Story. This was also the only episode to ever incorporate live action.
#9: Who Shot Mr. Burns?
Episodes #128 (Season 6) and #129 (Season 7)
This classic whodunit was the only two-part Simpsons episode ever. In part one, Mr. Burns devises a villainous plot to boost the power plant's profits by blocking out Springfield's sun. At the end of the episode, Mr. Burns is shot... but by who? Everyone in town is a suspect. In part two, the mystery is unraveled. There were some great mystery-themed episodes, but this one easily takes the gold. Get this: part one was the last episode on season six, and part two was the first episode of season seven, so fans had to wait the entire summer to find out who the shooter was. The Simpsons staff had a great time maintaining utmost secrecy, leaking false information to the press and even hosting an online contest for those who wished to submit guesses. Allegedly, only one person guessed the shooter. And although almost no one saw the ending coming, no one was disappointed with the solution. It will send you rushing back to watch part one again to catch all the clues. The biggest clues can be found by pausing the DVD during the quicker shots, like the image above.
#8: Trilogy of Error
Episode #266 (Season 12)
This was the last great episode, in my opinion. The complicated, delicately intricate plot retells the same day from three different perspectives. Homer's Day: his thumb gets cut off and he struggles to find a way to reattach it. Lisa's Day: she must find a way to school so she can enter Linguo, her homemade grammar robot, into the school's science fair. Bart's Day: he and Milhouse get into trouble with the law and Fat Tony's mob after discovering an illegal cache of fireworks. This episode was reminiscient of the film Go, only better. In only twenty-two minutes, the three stories intersect more cleverly and far more frequently than Go did in 103 minutes, and the three stories all tie together in a much more satisfying conclusion.
#7: Three Men and a Comic Book
Episode #34 (Season 2)
The Android's Dungeon gets a rare item in stock: the very first issue of Radioactive Man! When Bart, Milhouse and Martin pool their savings, they have just enough money to purchase it... but then they have to share it. Things get really interesting when they all have a sleepover in Bart's treehouse, and, in a parody of the classic noir-western, Treasure of the Sierra Madre, Bart goes insane with paranoia. This episode introduced Comic Book Guy, Bart's alter ego, Bartman, and a strange room never seen before or again in the Simpsons' house (when the boys are fighting in the treehouse and Homer says “They're fine”). What room is that?!
#6: Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in “The Curse of the Flying Hellfish”
Episode #150 (Season 7)
Bart's grandpa lets him in on a secret: back in World War II, his squadron stole priceless paintings from a German castle. His squad, the Hellfish, agreed to start a tontine, a contract whereby the sole surviving participant inherits all the artwork. Following a funeral for a fellow vet, the only two remaining Hellfish are Abe Simpson and the treachorous Mr. Burns, who decides to assassinate Abe. This one's very Indiana Jonesy – packed to the brim with spectacular action sequences, including some beautiful underwater animation. It was awesome seeing how badass grandpa Simpson used to be and then seeing him prove he's still got it, even in his old age.
#5: Marge Be Not Proud
Episode #139 (Season 7)
Bart begs his parents to buy him the coolest new videogame for Christmas, Bonestorm, but they can't afford it, so Bart decides to steal it. The mall security catches him shoplifting, and when his parents find out, they're so ashamed, he's practically alienated from the family. This one is a rollercoaster of emotions: it's suspenseful, sad, and ultimately very uplifting. It also introduced the character Gavin, the most rotten, spoiled kid ever, who makes his mother buy two copies of Bonestorm so he won't have to share with his sister. What a prick. I love gaming with my sis!
#4: Lisa Gets an “A”
Episode #210 (Season 10)
A cold causes Lisa to reluctantly miss her first day of school. But when she tries one of Bart's videogames (a Crash Bandicoot parody), she gets so addicted that she continues to fake sick the whole week so she can find all the game's hidden collectibles. Then when Marge catches on and forces her to return to class, Lisa is forced to take a test on a book she didn't read. With some help from Bart and a hysterically professional Nelson, Lisa cheats! Meanwhile, Homer devises a brilliant plan: to purchase a small, $8 lobster and feed it until it becomes a big, $80 lobster that the family can enjoy. But the bigger the lobster grows, the more it grows on Homer, who's already named it Pinchy. Great twists, wacky concepts and a terrific appearance by Gil, the desperate salesman, earned this episode an A+++!
#3: Lisa's Substitute
Episode #32 (Season 2)
When Lisa's teacher, Ms. Hoover, gets lime disease, a substitute teacher fills in: Mr. Bergstrom (voiced by Dustin Hoffman), a fun, intellectual teacher who inspires the children and inadvertantly attracts Lisa's affection. Meanwhile, in the fourth grade, Bart runs against the geeky Martin for class president. To give you an idea of how much this episode means to me, it's the source of my internet alias, Mr. Nerdstrom (one of the ways Bergstrom suggests making fun of his name). This episode is truly inspirational; it's all about the losers. Lisa can't possibly win over the heart of a grown man, and Bart clearly isn't intelligent enough to be class president. But just because you don't win doesn't mean you don't learn.
#2: Bart Gets Hit by a Car
Episode #23 (Season 2)
While skateboarding recklessly through Springfield, Bart is plowed into by Mr. Burns. This episode is full of artistic sequences. Bart actually dies briefly and gets to visit both Heaven and Hell. Later, during the courtroom trial, we see both sides of the story, and both Bart's and Burns' stories are hilariously over-exaggerated. This episode introduced many classic characters, including the shady lawyer Lionel Hutz, the even shadier Dr. Nick Riviera and, my favorite, Burns' snobby lawyer. The stakes were always way higher in the earlier seasons of The Simpsons. In this episode, Homer and Marge's marriage is put to the test. Season two was the best!
#1: Moaning Lisa
Episode #6 (Season 1)
Best. Episode. Ever. It's easy to see why this one is my favorite, with the depression and the music and the videogames and the GLAYVEN! Lisa has the blues until she discovers the therapeutic power of blues. Meanwhile, Homer tries to beat Bart just once at their favorite videogame. This episode is significant for introducing Lisa’s idol, Bleeding Gums Murphy. It features fantastic writing by both the screenwriters and the songwriters. The script is as witty as it is poignant and the jazz is phenomenal. After this episode, be sure to check out its “sequel," 'Round Springfield (episode #125, season 6).
If I neglected to include your favorite episode, don't have a cow, man. Your homework assignment can be to make your own damn list. Class dismissed!
