Wednesday, January 27, 2010

You Know You're A Nerd If...

Are you worried you might be a nerd? Or maybe you think you’re the king of the nerds? Take this simple, 10-question test to determine just how nerdy you are:

You know you're a nerd if...


...you know what a koopa does when it reaches an edge.



…you immediately associate terrain with Star Wars planets.



…you consider Klingon a second language.



…you know the difference between a stalactite and a stalagmite.



…you just looked up "stalactite" or "stalagmite."



…the word "evolution" makes you think of Pokémon.



…you can name all nine of the Fellowship.



…you know what any of these acronyms stand for.



…you wish you were Asian.



…you’re Asian.


SCORING
10 points: You hacker!
7-9 points: Congrats, pointdexter.
4-6 points: You’re nerdy but not a nerd.
1-3 points: Sorry, you're only a geek.
0 points: How did you even find my blog?

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Top 10 Movies From the 2000's

My thoughts on the New Age of film history can be summed up in one word: underwhelming. Frankly, I think the 2000's sucked. There are definitely some exceptions, but overall, they just don’t make movies like they used to. In fact, I struggled to fill ten spots for this countdown. But I finally found two handfulls I felt passionate enough about, and here they are: my personal favorite films from 2000-2009.


#10: Ocean's Eleven
2001

This was the film that made me realize I wanted to be a screenwriter. Fresh out of prison, Danny Ocean didn’t seem to learn his lesson. The first thing he does is get a group of eleven thieves together to commit the biggest heist of their criminal careers: robbing three casinos at once. This film has enough stars in it to light up all of Las Vegas: George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Julia Roberts and Andy Garcia, to name a few. Even the smallest supporting roles were turned into big-name cameos. That can be a bad sign, as some studios cast A-list actors to compensate for a weak screenplay (like the original Ocean’s Eleven this was loosely based on). But then there are dynamite scripts like this that seemingly every actor in Hollywood wants a part in. You could take away all the familiar faces and the film would shine just as bright. The script is stylish, witty and very well-crafted, with some nice plot twists. Despite the large character count, they’re all well-developed and get a fair share of the action. Each have their own area of expertise: con man, grease man, hacker, pickpocket, explosives expert, etc. They all get to utilize their skills multiple times and in memorable ways. The gang is up against impossible odds: a maximum-security building ran by a smart, cold-blooded owner. And of course, there’s a gorgeous girl who complicates everything. Watching the elaborate plan unfold is pure entertainment, and the second-greatest heist ever pulled on film, after The Sting.


#9: Les Triplettes de Belleville (The Triplets of Belleville)
2003

When the mafia kidnaps a bicyclist during the Tour de France, it’s up to the biker’s relentless grandmother and her obese hound dog to rescue him, with a little help from the three weird sisters of the title. This French, animated, silent-musical satire is the most unique film I have ever seen. I was mesmerized from start to finish. To call it strange would be like calling the ocean big -- though apparently not big enough to prevent the devoted granny from crossing it on a little pedal boat. Sylvain Chomet's feature-length debut instantly established him as one of the leading visionaries in the animation field. His style is unlike anything you’ve seen from Disney, Pixar or Japanese anime. Everything in Triplets is humorously exaggerated. Skyscrapers are thousands of stories tall, steep inclines are exactly forty-five degrees, and body parts are grotesquely enlarged (or compressed). There are messages everywhere, some overtly obvious, such as an overweight Statue of Liberty holding, instead of a torch and book, an ice-cream cone and hamburger; other messages are more cryptic, like the dog’s black-and-white dream sequences. The film is almost entirely devoid of dialogue. It was refreshing and impressive to watch a story told without words for a change. But the film is by no means quiet. The jazzy soundtrack is one of the film’s highlights. Triplets is a terrific tribute to all things retro, from the silent era and old timey jazz to hand-drawn animation and elderly heroes. When the film ended, I was floored. I just sat there, feasting on the delicious music. And after the credits, I was rewarded with a dessert ending: the film’s biggest laugh.


#8: Sound and Fury
2000

If you found out your child was deaf but could give them the ability to hear, would you? I think those of us that can hear would say, “of course.” Well, meet a deaf family that says “no way.” This powerful, thought-provoking, mind-opening documentary concerns an extended family of both deaf and hearing family members. Two sets of parents are debating whether to give their deaf children the cochlear implant, a device that would enable the children to hear. I always thought of deafness as nothing more than a handicap. But the film presents the deaf as a culture of their own. After all, they have their own language (sign), enclosed communities and even prejudices against the “hearing world.” The filmmakers opted to use voice-overs for the sign language instead of subtitles, which is much more effective considering the amount of fast-paced dialogue and heated arguments. The film does a great job of showing cases from each side; both the family members for and those against the cochlear implant. It urges you to decide for yourself what's right and wrong. Sound and Fury is one of the best docs ever made, but would you believe the DVD has no subtitles?!

#7: The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
2001, 2002, 2003

Tolkien let the film rights to the novels go for free, deeming the trilogy “unfilmable.” Forty-five years and two folly animated film adaptations later, Peter Jackson and an army of special effects wizards took up the epic task. They were victorious. Each of the LOTR films are among the best medieval fantasies of all time. The story follows nine men (or should I say, two men, a wizard, an elf, a dwarf, and four hobbits) on a quest to destroy a cursed Ring that possesses the power to revive a fallen dark lord, meanwhile defending the world from the dark lord’s forces. Not since the old Star Wars trilogy have films so actively engaged my imagination. Like SW, LOTR is set in a make-believe world abundant with rich history, races and creatures. Both trilogies rely on an endearing story and colorful characters as much as cool special effects and exciting action sequences. Both were blessed with outstanding soundtracks. And both are the beloved subjects of nerd trivia (speaking of, true fans should know that the extended LOTR versions, though overlong, are definitely superior to the theatrical cuts). Among countless similarities, the two trilogies also compliment each other greatly. Without the universe-shattering achievements of Star Wars, LOTR would have never seen the screen, at least not for a long time and certainly not in this form. Likewise, the LOTR books had a clear influence on Star Wars. But whether it’s the Jedi or the King that’s returning, one thing’s for sure: there’s nothing like a great trilogy.


#6: Empire of Dreams
2004

Speaking of Star Wars, I simply had to include this documentary, which chronicles the making of the original Star Wars trilogy -- aka "the good ones." It tells the amazing story behind the most amazing story ever told! Filled with behind-the-scenes archive footage, interviews and film clips, the film is divided into five segments: I) Lucas's early, pre-Star Wars career; II) The making of A New Hope; III) The making of The Empire Strikes Back; IV) The making of Return of the Jedi; and V) The impact and legacy the trilogy has left on the world. Just when I thought I couldn't possibly love the original trilogy more, I discovered this film, which effectively doubled my appreciation for them. It describes in fascinating detail every step of the filmmaking process, from the the rough drafts to the final cuts. The entire cast and crew share great anecdotes and thoughts on the films, while the wizards behind the curtains give away how they created every one of the pioneering special effects, sound effects and everything in between. It's truly awe-inspiring. But what seperates it all from being your typical making-of segment of the "special features" section is the overriding story it tells of George Lucas' struggle to bring his visions to life. Love him or hate him, he was a true martyr for independent filmmakers. He was constantly fighting an uphill battle against the studios for creative freedom. He dreamed of building an empire, and with enough perserverance, he succeeded. Just think, if a young punkass could make a mind-blowing, sci-fi-fantasy epic the likes of which no one had ever seen before... you, too, can fulfill your wildest dreams. This the greatest movie about making movies, and a must-see for fans and filmmakers alike.


#5: O Brother, Where Art Thou?
2000

Only the Coen brothers would read Homer’s Odyssey and think, "wouldn’t this make a bona fide musical-comedy if it were set in the Depression-era South?" Everyone seems to disagree on what the two-headed filmmaker’s masterpiece is. This one gets my vote. Three convicts bust off a chain gang to recover buried treasure before the valley is turned into a hydroelectric lake. The leads are a true comic trio: there’s Ulysses, a smooth-talking atheist (George Clooney), short-tempered Pete (John Turturrro) and sweet but dim-witted Delmar (Tim Blake Nelson). Throughout their episodic adventure, they find themselves in one bizarre situation after another. They meet a blind prophet, sexy sirens and babyface Nelson. They battle the law, the Ku Klux Klan and a cycloptic bible salesman. They get caught up in a political race, a religious movement and a musical sensation. The Coens have a knack for hilarious dialogue, and here they really nail the Southern dialect as well, like Fargo did with "Minnesota nice." The film looks absolutely perfect: every single shot was not only storyboarded in advance, and (for the first time ever) the entire film was digitally color-corrected. They turned green trees yellow, blue water brown, and gave the whole film an old sepia tone. The songs are realistically integrated into the story as opposed to characters spontaneously bursting into song with magical musical accompaniment. The soundtrack, comprised entirely of folk and bluegrass songs from the era, went on to win the Grammy Award for Album of the Year and go platinum eight times. O brother, the Great Depression was never so much fun!


#4: 28 Days Later
2002

About a month after animal rights activists free infected chimpanzees from a research facility, a courier named Jim awakes in the hospital to find himself the only one left in London… or so he thinks. Best… zombie movie… ever! This is one of those stories you wish you could be in. That is, if you, like I, dream of testing your survival skills in a post-apocalyptic, anarchic zombie-invasion. I always enjoyed American zombie films but felt they were missing something. Well, the British finally got it right. 28 Days Later was the first film to feature zombies that could run, which is SO much scarier than the cheesy "sleepwalk" seen in Romero’s films. 28 was also the first zombie film to offer a scientific explanation behind the invasion, leading many viewers to disqualify it as a zombie film -- oh come on, that’s like not considering a war film a war film because it defines the cause of the war. Danny Boyle is a very daring director. He uses the camera in ways you just don’t see in other movies. Also, the film is shot on video, giving it a frighteningly realistic look, especially when you see all the famous London landmarks completely deserted. The soundtrack is excellent. Though there isn’t much original score, the film makes great use of existing music. You’ll hear everything from classical to post-punk, and it all fits perfectly. Despite all the blood (and believe me, there’s a lot), the film’s greatest strength is that it focuses most on the characters. You really come to care for each one of the survivors instead of simply waiting for the next one to be eaten. The film is also an excellent depiction of anarchy. It’s an exhilarating rollercoaster that’s doomed to derail. Eh, I’d still ride it.


#3: A.I. Artificial Intelligence
2001

In this dark, futuristic fairy tale, Cybertronics creates David, a prototype robot-child programmed to unconditionally love his adopted parents. But what happens when the parents don’t love him back? One of Spielberg's most underrated films, and also one of his best, I’ve always interpreted AI as a commentary on religion. David’s parents abandon him, but not before reading him Pinocchio. Convinced the nonexistent Blue Fairy can turn him into a “real boy” that his parents will love, David sets out to find her. Pinocchio and the Blue Fairy bear curious resemblances to the Bible and God. Even the very title of the film suggests that faith is nothing but false hope. But that’s just me being over-analytic. The story is really about the search for happiness. The stellar script is accompanied by stunning visuals. Spielberg wisely used just as many oldschool effects as he did CG. David’s adventure takes him to very imaginative places, such as a flooded New York City where only Lady Liberty’s torch remains above sea level. David is aided by delightful supporting characters including a "supertoy" named Teddy, a "mecha lover" named Gigolo Joe (Jude Law), and a holographic search engine called Dr. Know (voiced by Robin Williams). John William’s soundtrack is as eerie as it is beautiful -- one of his most overlooked. Haley Joel Osment (the kid from The Sixth Sense) delivers another incredible performance as the robot-child, proving he’s one of the best child actors ever. The film captures both despair and ecstasy so well that it overwhelms you, too with the characters’ feelings. In the real future, we’ll probably just plug ourselves into some kind of emotion-machines and tap a “sad” button to cry, then a “happy” button to cheer up again. But it takes a truly well-made film to elicit those emotions naturally.


#2: Minority Report
2002

In Spielberg's following film, a Precrime unit is able to prevent murders before they actually happen with the aid of psychedelic psychics and some truly leet technology. The system works perfectly. That is, until the chief himself (Tom Cruise) is accused of murder. On the run from his own men, he has thirty-six hours before he supposedly murders a man he’s never heard of. The brilliant screenplay is full of spectacular twists and turns. It’s a futuristic take on the classic "whodunit," or in this case, a “whowilldoit.” It's got all the Spielbergian trademarks: a fantastic opening, unique action sequences and unforgettable imagery. The film is overflowing with water. It’s in practically every scene and it plays an integral role in the story. The film’s negative was washed in blue hues, which, combined with the noirish cinematography, gives the film a striking “black, white and blue” look. I see the water as an analogy for law enforcement; we need both to survive, yet excessive amounts are dangerously counterproductive. Of all the depictions of dystopian societies, Minority Report is my favorite because of how believable it is. Ubiquitous retinal scans constantly track your location. Advertisements target you directly. Automobiles run automatically on magnetic road-rails. The PoPo have jetpacks, sick-sticks and sonic boomguns. Some of the technology in the film has already become real, such as gesture-based computer interfaces and 3D holograms, which is ironic considering the prophetic concept of the film.

#1: The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
2007

This grand documentary follows two competitive videogamers as they battle for the high score in the classic arcade game, Donkey Kong. Billy Mitchell, who held the world record for over twenty years, is a corrupt, conniving, cowardly bastard that speaks in perfect paragraphs and smiles like a crocodile. You’ll truly hate his guts -- far stronger than you could ever feel toward a fictional villain. His nemesis, Steve Weibe, is the lovable underdog: a sweet, geeky, hardworking family-man trying to take down Billy’s score. You’ll be booing Billy and cheering Steve all the way. It’s like a classic western: a battle for justice set in a little corner of American history, only instead of settling disputes with guns in saloons, the men duel with joysticks in arcades. Billy and Steve are true "black and white" characters: one is pure evil, the other pure good. All that’s missing are the cowboy hats. The subtitle of the film is even a reference to the spaghetti western, A Fistful of Dollars. Although it’s a documentary, it’s just as exciting and emotional as any narrative film I’ve ever seen, if not more so, because you know it was all real. King of Kong is a sports film for nerds, a tribute to oldschool videogames, a metaphor for corruption in the legal system, a contemporary western, and above all, a true inspiration. For these reasons and many more, I hereby crown it King of the decade.