Revenge of the Sith Review

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
2005

"A long time ago in a galaxy fat, fat away..." - the actual opening to the final draft of Episode III. And therein lies the problem with the prequel trilogy: Lucas had 100% creative freedom over them. Granted, he did have a lot of great ideas, but NO idea how to execute them properly. For the old trilogy, he had great screenwriters like Kasdan to adapt his ideas into a coherent screenplay, and great directors like Kershner to bring his vision to life. But Lucas tried to write and direct the new ones himself. Like The Emperor says in this episode, “I have the power… UNLIMITED POWER!” Lucas is proof that absolute power corrupts absolutely. Reports say he was impossible to work with. I imagine he's the closed-minded type that's unable to accept constructive criticism, and that the few who dared challenge him were banned from the set forever.

Most moviegoers find Sith to be the best of the prequels. Probably because it’s brimming with heavy action -- it’s the only Star Wars film rated PG-13. But personally, I think it was strike three for Lucas, and that he never missed the mark further. The effects are more excessive than ever, the only thing more laughable than the story is the dialogue, and the action scenes were just plain dull! The old trilogy is for adults who want to feel like kids again. The new trilogy is for kids who want to feel like adults. If all you care about is action, go watch some porn -- even then you’d see better writing and acting.

Everything about the new trilogy is so uninspired. I was pumped to see new characters as fun as the old ones. Instead, all we got was unbelievable younger recreations of them, down to pathetically lame cameos with the most illogical connections. Christ, I’m surprised there wasn’t a ten-year old Han Solo playing dodgeballth with Greedo (and arguing over who hit who first). After seeing Force Lightning in Jedi, I was pumped to see what other kinds of black magic the Dark Side had to offer. But nope, that’s it. All we got to see in the new ones was a lot more Force Lightning. I was pumped to see new planets. The only cool one we got was a volcanic planet. Too bad the only scene on it was a universal letdown. I also hated how Naboo had forests, plains, meadows, cliffs, waterfalls and underwater caves. What a terrain hog! What happened to "one" terrain per planet? Other newcomers included multiple cavernous planets, more water planets, more forest planets and, my least favorite of all, a planetary city. Running out of ideas, are you? What about a mountain planet? Or a tropical jungle/river planet? Or a giant literal icecube? Or how about some more fantastical planets, like a low-gravity planet full of floating rock islands?

I've shown a remarkable amount of restraint by waiting until now to discuss the most fatal flaw of the new trilogy: the endless amount of continuity errors and contradictions they create with the old trilogy. Lucas clearly hadn’t thought out the backstory very well beforehand. Talk about inconsistencies! Like, how come no one remembers the droids? How could Leia remember her mother who died in childbirth? Why did the old jedi disappear when they died, yet the new ones do not? If the Emperor’s skin got all pale and wrinkly from Force Lightning electrocution, why didn’t Luke’s? Why did Obi-Wan say Yoda was his master if it was really Oskar Schindler? I refuse to believe that Vader built Threepio, that the stormtroopers are all clones of Boba Fett’s dad, or that Yoda once carried a baby-lightsaber.

Frankly, I can’t believe the two trilogies came from one mind. They’re like a puzzle piece and a piece of shit: they just don’t fit. In a utopian future, film history textbooks would devote an entire chapter to the originals and only a footnote to the obscure, forgotten prequels. But alas, I fear it will never be so, as Hollywood seems to have addicted young filmgoers to the drug that is CGI to keep them crawling back to the theaters every weekend for another fix. Children are bound to actually enjoy the CG overdose the prequels have to offer, and may even prefer it to the originals. But as they mature, I think the scales will tip. At the very least, I hope that future generations will watch these films in the order they were made, or it will sour the whole experience and ruin all the story twists. Those who don't even understand the history behind the films may even mistake the saga as one piece of work, which it is not. No matter which trilogy you prefer, they really are two seperate entities because of who had creative control over them. Nevertheless, the saga really is an artifact of film history. Never has a franchise generated such controversy between its own fans. In my mind, the backstory is better left to the imagination. At the end of Revenge of the Sith, Lucas makes a last-minute effort to maintain a shred of continuity between the trilogies by having Threepio’s memory wiped, so he forgets everything that happened in the prequel trilogy…

That lucky bastard. 2/5 stars.

Attack of the Clones Review

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
2002

And you thought The Phantom Menace was bantha fodder… Set ten years later, Clones opens with a failed assassination attempt on the queen’s life (someone must’ve told Lucas kids love movies that begin with big explosions). Anakin, now an emo Abercrombie model in his late teens, is assigned to take the sexy queen into hiding while poor Obi-Wan is ordered to find out who the almost-assassin was -- I wonder who drew the short straw on that one.

Episode II had even more computer-graphics and even less humanity. It’s practically an animated film with human actors. It's the kind of film that you’d watch in computer-animation courses for inspiration and in screenwriting courses for laughs. I think it’s hilarious how, after such negative reaction to Jar Jar Binks, Lucas totally replaced the comic relief role with good ol’ Threepio instead of having Jar Jar redeem himself. This is but one example that proves Lucas is a businessman, not an artist. For the prequel trilogy, he spent tens of millions on advertising campaigns, he carefully designed the films to please all four demographics, he threw in supporting characters like Mace Windu to get minorities in the theaters, and he catered the films for merch. It's like he designed the characters and vehicles solely to be converted into action figures and Legoes. Even the classic Yoda puppet was given an ugly digital makeover. Some fans rejoiced when Yoda busted out a baby-lightsaber, but I just buried my head in my hands. I always thought of Yoda as a master of The Force, not the sword! But I guess more kids would buy the Yoda toy if he was holding a lightsaber.

The new trilogy gets way too political, especially this one. In the old ones, we were never told exactly why the rebels are against the empire, nor did we give a sith. All we needed to know was that the government was evil and the rebels had to overthrow it. But in the new ones, they spend way too much time politickin’. What is this, a presidential debate? As fast and flashy as the modern lightsaber duels are, I’ve seen far more creative choreography in fan-made Youtube battles. The new duels also lack the depth and emotion of the old ones. In Phantom Menace, there wasn’t a single line of dialogue exchanged during the swordfights, which was very disconnecting. But in Episodes II and III, I wish they had kept their traps shut. Nothing like cheesy, childish comebacks to ruin the drama.

Lucas’s idea of romantic dialogue is about as sexy as watching Jabba impregnate himself with his hermaphroditic genitalia, then giving birth to octuplet slugs. It doesn’t help that Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman act like they’re in a soap opera that will never lasted longer than the pilot episode. For some contrived reason, jedi aren’t allowed to love. You’d think if you possessed the most awesome magical powers in the galaxy, you’d want to have as many children as possible, to pass on what you’ve learned and to multiply your council’s strength. And if love was really forbidden, the council should’ve thought twice about sending the film’s two most attractive, young, emotional teens on such a romantic getaway by themselves -- of course she’s gonna give his lightsaber the force!

These films are so god-awful that they’re actually fun to watch, if only to ridicule them with a group of fellow OTLNTH (old trilogy lovers, new trilogy haters) -- a tattoo I want on my back. The new ones are so unintentionally funny, it feels like you’re watching a cheesy, old B-movie. Forget Ed Wood. Lucas gets my vote for the worst director of all time! Okay, okay. I’ll be honest. The prequels do have their moments. I could name scenes from each film that actually recaptured the charm and joy of the original trilogy. But those moments are so few and far between, they don't even begin to compensate for the flaws. That’s like saying, “Hitler had his redeeming qualities.” 2/5 stars.




Click here for my Revenge of the Sith review: At an end your rule is, and not short enough was it.

The Phantom Menace Review

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

1999

When “special effects” are overused, they’re no longer "special" or "effective." Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate CG. Films like Terminator 2, Jurassic Park and Titanic made great use of computer-graphics, because they adhered to three main special-effects criteria: 1) The films used the effects sparingly. Limiting the amount of effects-shots makes each one savory. 2) The films used the effects subtly, so sometimes, you can't even tell you're looking at an effects-shot. 3) Most importantly, the films used the effects to tell the story -- not the other way around. The Phantom Menace, on the other hand, fails on all three accounts.

I mentioned in my New Hope review that it was like seeing the Star Wars universe through a keyhole. Well, Phantom Menace kicks the door wide open. The result is, initially, overwhelmingly attractive. With all the modern technology, Lucas was able to show you things he simply couldn’t before. However, some doors were not meant to be opened. After the CG buzz wears off, you quickly realize just how shallow and empty the film really is, like five minutes into a hot date with a total airhead. Apparently Lucas didn't learn the lesson from the Death Star trench run in New Hope: remember how Luke turned OFF his stupid computer and did it by hand? That was the magic of the original trilogy. Much like The Force itself, they relied on things you don't see. Every time I watch them, they make me feel like a kid again, with a mind as limitless as the universe itself. But seeing “everything” in the new films is like seeing the ends of the universe, which really discourages the thought process. There are so many obvious effects in every single frame that it defeats the whole purpose. Seeing CG nonstop subtracts from the scenes that could have really benefited from it. But worst of all, Lucas focused so much on the effects, everything else suffered. Sure, all the backgrounds look great, but he lost sight of what’s in the foreground: the characters, dialogue and story.

The screenplay is a convoluted mess about Senator Palpatine, aka The Emperor, aka the Phantom Menace, who’s trying to take over the government by forcing the queen’s signature (really). Young Obi-Wan and his unwise master, Qui-Gon, rescue the young queen, and in the process, encounter Anakin Skywalker, better known as Darth Vader, when he was just a child. The story is quite complicated. A lot of moviegoers probably don’t get it but just assume it makes sense. Well, it doesn’t. This is brainless writing for brainless audiences. Watch Mr. Plinkett’s review for a good psycho-analysis. Even Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor, the only good actors in the whole film, can’t sell lines this awful. It was like Lucas whipped out a rough draft in a single evening and never bothered to revise it. There are far too many blatant allusions to other works. Anakin was a virgin birth, just like Jesus in the Christian Bible. The droid army not only resemble Nazis, but John Williams even gave them the same musical motif he wrote for the Germanians in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. And the podrace was an (inferior) update of the chariot race from Ben-Hur. The characters are all eye candy, often covered in elaborate makeup or lifelike animation. But underneath all the glitter, they have zero personality (Darth Maul, Queen Amidala) or, worse yet, despicable personalities (Jar Jar Binks, Anakin). None of the "comical" scenes are funny. Yet, the film is full of unintentional humor, like how quickly the queen is able to change costumes, often so fast it plays like a running sight gag.

The film follows the Star Wars tradition of upping the number of simultaneous climactic battles, this time to four. Sadly, the only one worth watching is the lightsaber duel, mainly due to William’s epic score, while the other three are some of the worst Star Wars battles ever. I HATED how everything Jar Jar and Anakin did was accidentally advantageous. That kind of nonsense is hysterical in a Buster Keaton battle, but Star Wars is not a comedy! Even the Endor battle with the Ewoks was played seriously, despite some comic relief. It would have been much cooler and more character-appropriate to see Anakin and Jar Jar kick some ass on purpose. Even cheesy one-liners like "Take THAT!" would've been infinitely cooler than all the "Oopsies!" The excuse “The Force must have been guiding them” is ludicrous -- what about Jar Jar? Judging by the amount of “itty bitty accidenties” that led him to victory on the battlefield, he must have a higher midi-chlorian count than the entire jedi council put together.

Oh, god. "Midi-chlorians…" I had to cover my ears when Lucas gave a scientific explanation to The Force. The Phantom Menace isn’t terribly terrible, it’s just heartbreakingly disappointing, especially considering its potential with all the advanced technology. But it was that infinite power that ironically led to its downfall. I feel the same way about the videogame industry. Episode I marked the “beginning” of the Star Wars franchise as well as, in my opinion, the “end” of great filmmaking, ushering in an age where visual glamour takes precedence over great storytelling. Don’t be so proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed, Lucas. 3/5 stars.

Click here for my review of Attack of the Clones: You want to go home and rethink your life.

Star Wars: Special Editions Review

As I said in my New Hope review, Lucas actually returned to the original trilogy in the nineties and made all sorts of revisions, mainly in the form of adding CG in all sorts of random places. Backgrounds, foregrounds, brand new inserts, you name it. I can’t watch these versions without a barfbag. Imagine Shakespeare returning to an old poem and adding modern slang that throws off both the rhythm and rhyme. The CG is so blatantly obvious, so out of place and so unnecessary that it makes me laugh and tear up at the same time. Lucas even made controversial alterations like having Greedo shoot first at Han in the Cantina (and missing, at point-blank range), and replacing actor Sebastian Shaw with Hayden Christiansen as Anakin’s ghost in the end of Jedi. The true fans agree: these alterations are nothing but a sick joke.

The great irony is that Lucas feels the opposite. He isn’t proud of the original trilogy. In fact, he’s ashamed. I am SO thankful that he decided to make the trilogies out of order, or we never would have gotten these accidental masterpieces. But worst of all… to this very day, Lucas has refused to release restorations of the unaltered trilogy! So you gotta choose. Either you have to settle for grainy, low-quality transfers of the original, unaltered versions, or you can get clean, remastered versions -- with the alterations. GAH! That's like choosing between a child prostitute and an elderly one. Like many others, I desperately long for the day when we’ll get beautiful restorations of the original, unaltered versions. Why is Lucas being such a Sith about it?! Maybe he’ll pull a Vader and have a character arc just before his death. If not, he ain’t gonna live forever. I just hope whoever the rights go to next will be smart enough to do the right thing.

Click here for my review of The Phantom Menace: Pee-yousa!

Return of the Jedi Review

Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
1983

I always wished I had lived through the old Star Wars phenomenon and seen their debuts on the bigscreens. However, audiences at the time had to wait THREE YEARS between each film, and I don’t know if I could handle that. I don’t even think I could wait three days between watching them back-to-back… to-back. Kersh was asked to return to the director’s chair, but sadly, the aging filmmaker declined, unwilling to dedicate another three years to a film like he did on Empire. Lucas wanted Spielberg instead, but was legally unable to hire him since Lucas had quit the Director’s Guild. See, Lucas hated Hollywood. He was a martyr for independent filmmakers who constantly fought for creative freedom. He founded Lucasfilm, his own production company, ILM, his own special effects company, and THX, his own high-quality audio company. Lucas ended up funding Jedi out of his own pocket and hiring a foreign director, Richard Marquand, to master the reigns of Jedi (although reports say Lucas was quite the backseat driver). Episode VI is often considered the weakest of the original trilogy. However, I feel the opposite.

Jedi is actually my favorite chapter of the old testament. It’s such a satisfying conclusion. All the cliffhangers are resolved, all the plants get great payoffs, the villains that were only in the background of the previous films finally get the spotlight, and Luke gets to unleash all his awesome newfound abilities. The moment he “Forces” open the gate to Jabba’s palace, you just know he’s a full-fledged, ass-kicking jedi. He barely touched his lightsaber in New Hope, and in Empire, he mainly used it in his duel against Vader. But in Jedi, he always has it activated, slicin' up gangstas, stormtroopas, and of course, Vada. Their rematch is fantastic. VADER THROWS HIS SABER! It’s the only time anyone ever does that in a saber duel. Other than that, the two don’t use The Force for anything “physical” like they did frequently in their first duel. Instead, they’re constantly using it for “mental” abilities. The entire battle, Vader is trying to turn Luke to the Dark Side while Luke attempts to turn Vader back. Vader even violates Luke’s mind to expose and exploit his weaknesses. It’s very well-done, down to the symbolic lighting; Luke is lit half and half when he’s conflicted, in darkness when he goes apeshit, and returns to the light once he defeats the temptation. Watching Vader finally have a character arc is just as powerful and emotional every time I see it.

The action scenes are top-notch. And unlike Lord of the Rings, where a pretty blonde boy hogs all the action-hero moments, each Star Wars character is given an equal piece of the action. Han and Chewy get to kill Boba Fett. Lando and Wedge get to blow up the second Death Star. Leia gets to strangle Jabba with the very chains he enslaved her in -- feminists, eat your heart out. Even little Artoo gets to kick some ass. And Luke is wisely given the most “action-hero moments” of all, as the main protagonist should (I’m lookin’ at you, Frodo). The climax masterfully cross-cuts between three terrific battles. I love how the tide of the three battles shift in tune with each other and that the outcome of each battle effects the other. It’s extremely exciting. The main reason people rag on Jedi are the Ewoks. Many have complained at how unrealistic it was that a primitive race could have defeated a legion of stormtroopers. Psh, I can’t believe this attracted so much criticism! The less likely victory is, the more engaging the battle is! I love seeing the underdogs overthrow much greater adversaries. That’s like a law of cinema. And I don’t see how the battle could leave you with any doubt -- we see every single little attempt the Ewoks make against the Empire, many of which fail. If the Ewoks were all 7-foot tall Wookiees like Lucas had originally planned, no one would have objected. But too many people can’t see past the “cutesy” factor. Judge them by their size, do you?

The original trilogy had an ensemble of great characters. Even the minor roles obtained major popularity -- Greedo, Wedge and Admiral Ackbar, to name a few. I think the reason the characters are so charming is the same reason the cheap special effects are: they arouse the imagination. The characters all have such interesting histories and the supporting roles have such a strong and memorable presence that we can’t help but wish we could see more of them. Just look at Jabba the Hutt, Boba Fett and the Rancor. Jabba is a morbidly obese slug that’s practically immobile. It really makes you wonder how he became such a powerful and respected crimelord. Everyone knows Boba Fett, despite that fact that his name is only dropped once in the entire trilogy. But his intelligence, centurion helmet, and iconic jetpack made him fondly memorable (and my favorite character in Lego Star Wars II). The Rancor is my all-time favorite movie monster. He’s a gigantic, terrifying, ugly mess of sharp objects. But after Luke defeats it, something very interesting happens: a chubby bastard rushes into the scene and breaks into tears. The Rancor wasn’t such a savage monster after all. Someone loved it like a pet, and it probably loved him, too. I imagine the owner taking it for walks in the dune sea and teaching it to fetch Jawas. It's little touches like that that made the characters so endearing.

The special effects in Jedi were outstanding. I can’t believe most of them were still oldschool techniques. Believe it or not, the spaceships and Walkers are still models shot in stop-motion. The treetop Ewok village was a painting. The speeder-bike chase scene was done by shooting “walks through the forest” in fast-motion. It took three puppeteers to bring the Rancor model to life and thirteen puppeteers to operate Jabba. Man, I love all these retro techniques! To me, they look far more real than CGI, probably because they’re actually created with real, tangible objects. You can feel their texture. And despite being the third film, Jedi actually features more indie, B-movie tricks than either of its predecessors. The mix of super-cool and super-cheesy effects creates a very special appeal that I can’t even explain. Either you get it or you don’t. All three films in the original trilogy won a special achievement awards for their visual effects, making a total of 10 Academy Awards and 19 Saturn Awards. Overall, I consider A New Hope the most historically important, Empire the “best” and Jedi my favorite. I also consider the original triptych as one film, which I personally deem the greatest film of all time. 5/5 stars.




There you have it: my fanboy love letters to the old ones. But how will the new trilogy compare? Reviews coming soon. In the meantime, here’s a little bonus review: my thoughts on the alterations made to the original trilogy: I have a bad feeling about this…

The Empire Strikes Back Review

Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
1980

Lucas went so mad directing the first film that he actually had someone else direct the sequel. Originally Irvin Kershner declined, thinking there was no way anyone could ever top the original. But when he read the script, he immediately signed on. THANK THE MAKER! I wish Kershner would have directed them all. Empire was a seamless continuation of the saga, as if there were no more than a jump-cut between the films. It was also the darkest of the three. The rebels really get a spanking in this one, down to the poor droids. Just look at the planets in this episode: Hoth, a frozen wasteland, Dagobah, a creepy swamp, and Bespin, a ball of gas and clouds. Each planet is extremely dangerous. I remember asking my dad as a child what would have happened had Luke fallen off the underside of Cloud City. “Wouldn’t he just float in the middle of the planet until someone saved him?” “No,” my dad told me, “the pressurized gas would kill him.” You can’t imagine the childhood nightmares I had about dying from gas. Thankfully, the film had the best comic relief. The droids are a riot, and there are a bunch of great running gags, like Threepio calculating the mathematical odds of survival in every given circumstance, the Millennium Falcon malfunctioning like an old home-appliance, and Vader systematically killing off all his own men.



Ah, yes, Darth Vader. He’s the best villain to ever grace the screen, and in this episode is where he really gets to shine -- or rather, the opposite of shine… darken…? There is no antonym for shine, just as there is no word that can truly describe Vader. He’s beyond evil. He kills his own men, breaks his promises and he wastes more military resources more than George Bush. Forget the Death Star. Vader is the universe’s biggest threat. He’s one with The Force, rocks with a lightsaber, and his ship is so huge, it makes the Star Destroyers look like Micro Machines. This is also where Williams gave Vader his famous musical motif. He’s a very interesting villain, filled with intrigue and mystery. In this episode, we learn for the first time that he’s actually a man, not a robot, from a sneak-peak at the face underneath the mask. We also learn that he is only the apprentice to the sinister Emperor, a character only mentioned once the first film. Everyone knows the shocking twist ending now, but before the film’s release, it was kept so top-secret that not even the cast knew, aside from James Earl Jones, who delivered the classic line. The script contained a false lie (that Obi-Wan killed his father) to invoke Mark Hammil’s reaction: the most iconic “NOOOOO!” scene in film history.

All the characters we came to love in New Hope begin to love each other in Empire. As their relationships deepen, you become even more emotionally invested in the story. The love triangle between the three humans really intrigued me as a child, because, like Leia, I too found myself indecisive over which guy she should be with (at least, until Jedi, when the love triangle was swiftly resolved with a convenient plot device). Despite their competition for the same girl, Luke and Han remain best friends, continually risking their lives to save each other. A love-hate relationship begins between Luke and Vader. Even Chewie and Threepio develop a strong bond. Then there are a handful of new characters, including Lando Calrissian, a shady “friend” of Han Solo’s, Boba Fett, a brilliant, badass bounty hunter, the Emperor, and of course, Yoda.

As if having the greatest movie-villain of all time wasn’t awesome enough, Empire also had the greatest hero. Yoda is a truly unforgettable character, from his face (a cross between Albert Einstein and Kermit the Frog) to his rasp voice (Frank Oz) to his poetic, scrambled word order (fun it is, like Yoda to talk!). Lucas spent thousands on a campaign to get Oz an Academy Award nomination for his performance, but they rejected him on the grounds that puppeteers aren’t actors. I disagree. An elaborate puppet is just as much an extension of your body as an appendage. And since Oz was both the voice actor and the puppeteer, he practically was Yoda. I argue Oz exerted far more effort than many of the actors that were nominated for (and won) Academy Awards. It’s easy to forget how surprising it was to learn the wrinkled, green Muppet was the greatest jedi master of all time. And what follows are the best scenes in the entire saga: Yoda teaching Luke the ways of The Force. See, Obi-Wan only gave Luke an intro course to The Force. Yoda teaches a 900 level class. These scenes are pure magic. In fact, they’re actually inspiring. Yoda’s lines are like taglines on motivational posters. I’ll never forget “You must unlearn what you have learned,” and “Do or do not. There is no try.” The mentorship culminates in the most surreal and analyzed scene of all, The Cave.

Unlike New Hope, you don’t have to cut the special effects any slack here. The lightsabers look excellent. The spaceships, snow-horses and mechanical war elephants are some of the most impressive stop-motion effects ever put on film. ILM even invented a variation of stop-motion called “go-motion” for the spaceships to create a realistic motion blur. This is the only Star Wars film without a big space battle, yet the “space scenes” in Empire are my favorite! The Millennium Falcon becomes a character of its own as it gracefully navigates an asteroid field, hides in the belly of a “cave” and even evades a Star Destroyer at point-blank range. And yet, between all these wonderful visuals are the good old fashioned indy tricks. We still only see glimpses of the monsters, and many of The Force effects are done with simple tricks, reversal shots or fast-motion. It’s a rare and wonderful mix that pleases both the eyes and the imagination. Empire has my favorite uses of The Force, with a great mix of physical and mental techniques. All in all, the film exceeded everyone’s expectations by actually topping the original. It’s often voted the fan favorite of the saga. My only complaint is that it ends on such a cliffhanger that it always leaves me hungry… 5/5 stars.




DO NOT click here for my review of Return of the Jedi: It's a trap!

A New Hope Review

Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
1977

In the Summer of ‘77 came the mind-blowing steampunk science-fantasy that jump-started even adults’ imaginations and changed the face of filmmaking forever. It introduced a world where machines, monsters and magic coexist, where each planet is covered in a single terrain, and where the terrorists are the good guys. It’s a nonstop mix of art and entertainment. There isn’t a dull moment! It’s the most fun I’ve ever had watching a movie, and even after seeing it over a dozen times, I still notice new things, like that cool pattern painted on Luke’s kitchen ceiling. There are so many highlights, everyone has a different “favorite scene.” Audiences came back to see it in theaters again and again -- the replay value is endless, making it ideal for nerd trivia (no one can beat me at Star Wars Trivial Pursuit). The film smashed every box office record of the time and won 7 Academy Awards. I’ll never forgive the Academy for giving Best Picture, Director and Screenplay to Annie Hall instead. INFIDELS!



Though the film is a hybrid of sci-fi and fantasy, it always felt more like a fantasy film to me. It’s set in the past and in another world, as opposed to the future of our world. There’s magic (The Force), an endless variety of creatures, and the characters are all based on mythological and traditional archetypes: Obi-Wan Kenobi is a mix between a wizard and a samurai, Luke is the young apprentice, Darth Vader is the dark overlord, Leia is the princess, Han Solo is a pirate/cowboy, Chewie is the sidekick/heavy, and the droids, C-3PO and R2-D2, are the comic relief. Man, Lucas really has a knack for great names. Look at how ridiculous yet unforgettable each of those names are. I don’t know how he comes up with them -- aside from Luke Skywalker (Luke S./Lucas, get it?).



The Star Wars universe really feels expansive. The characters frequently reference planets, creatures and events that we never see. We only see the surface of two planets in the first film (three if you count the metallic Death Star), and yet we already get the sense that there are hundreds if not thousands more. We also get a great sense of the universe’s history. The characters speak of their ancestors, past wars and overthrown governments. All the sets on Tattooine look old, dirty and rusty, which make them feel really genuine, unlike all the other clean, shiny sci-fi films of the era. Also atypical was the film’s music. Most sci-fis pre-Star Wars had electronic, synthesized soundtracks, but Lucas wanted John Williams to write a classical score instead. Boy, did he ever! The A.F.I. voted the soundtrack the greatest film score of all time, and I whole-heartedly agree.



The elaborate special effects were amazing for their time. Some of it is still stunning today, particularly the unmatched climactic space battle, whereas other effects are a bit dated. The first lightsaber battle is pretty tame by today’s standards. The choreography is basic, the sabers look flat -- more like a real sword than the now-traditional look -- and there’s that awkward revealing moment where Obi Wan’s saber disappears (maybe his batteries were running low). But you have to keep in mind it was in fact the first lightsaber battle ever, so at the time, just seeing the frame-by-frame rotoscoped sabers and hearing those buzzing hums and static clashing sound effects were more than enough to evoke awe and wonder. Also note that the duel is between two old men, one of them half-machine. I’m surprised they don’t take a break to catch their breath. Despite some wrinkles, I still think the film has aged extremely well because of how strong the cinematic storytelling is. It wisely put the characters and story first. Thus, when the Death Star blows up like a low-budget popcorn poof in the end, I’m so into the movie that I cheer instead of laugh.



Lucas, on the other hand, disagrees with me. So dissatisfied was he with the film’s oldschool effects, he returned multiple times to add computer-graphics to the original trilogy! But we’ll get into that later. The New Hope DVD commentary is basically him lamenting nonstop about how frustrating the tools of the time were. For example, he painfully recalls how the Banthas were created by putting costumes on elephants, and wishes he could have created them digitally instead. Personally, I think oldschool tricks like that are brilliant. I prefer seeing the filmmakers resort to creative, hands-on techniques like costumes, puppets and stop-motion as opposed to letting a computer do all the work. I love seeing only the fossil of the krayt dragon in the desert, only the stilt-like legs of that towering Quor’sav in the foreground of Mos Eisley, and only the eyeball and tentacles of the Dianoga in the trash compactor. It’s like seeing the universe through a keyhole, which really sparks the imagination. Modern films are so square. Old movies are like triangles, only showing you half the square, inviting you to complete the shape. It’s an interactive experience that I greatly prefer. The Force is the most creative use of magic I’ve ever seen on film. The characters use it in so many different ways: telekinesis, telepathy, precognition… and most of these abilities are accomplished with simple, low-budget techniques that require nothing more than successfully mind-tricking the audience. What Lucas regards as the film’s greatest weakness is, in my opinion, the film’s greatest strength. 5/5 stars.




Click here for my review of The Empire Strikes Back: But beware of the dark side...

Star Wars Reviews (Intro)

Star Wars embodies the most quintessential, mandatory knowledge in the nerdverse.  Perhaps the most beloved and despised film series of all time, it also has the most interesting history behind it. The six-film saga is divided into two distinct trilogies: the “original trilogy,” made in the 70’s and 80’s, comprised of episodes 4, 5, and 6; and the “prequel trilogy,” made in the 90’s and 2000’s, comprised of episodes 1, 2 and 3. Creator George Lucas opted to make the films out of sequence due to the technological limitations at the dawn of the series. But just how did the differences in available technology affect the trilogies? Join me as I offer in-depth, laughter-inducing, tear-jerking reviews of the films in the order they should be seen: in the order they were made.

Click here for my review of A New Hope: Punch it, Chewie!