The Phantom Menace Review

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

1999

When “special effects” are overused, they’re no longer "special" or "effective." Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate CG. Films like Terminator 2, Jurassic Park and Titanic made great use of computer-graphics, because they adhered to three main special-effects criteria: 1) The films used the effects sparingly. Limiting the amount of effects-shots makes each one savory. 2) The films used the effects subtly, so sometimes, you can't even tell you're looking at an effects-shot. 3) Most importantly, the films used the effects to tell the story -- not the other way around. The Phantom Menace, on the other hand, fails on all three accounts.

I mentioned in my New Hope review that it was like seeing the Star Wars universe through a keyhole. Well, Phantom Menace kicks the door wide open. The result is, initially, overwhelmingly attractive. With all the modern technology, Lucas was able to show you things he simply couldn’t before. However, some doors were not meant to be opened. After the CG buzz wears off, you quickly realize just how shallow and empty the film really is, like five minutes into a hot date with a total airhead. Apparently Lucas didn't learn the lesson from the Death Star trench run in New Hope: remember how Luke turned OFF his stupid computer and did it by hand? That was the magic of the original trilogy. Much like The Force itself, they relied on things you don't see. Every time I watch them, they make me feel like a kid again, with a mind as limitless as the universe itself. But seeing “everything” in the new films is like seeing the ends of the universe, which really discourages the thought process. There are so many obvious effects in every single frame that it defeats the whole purpose. Seeing CG nonstop subtracts from the scenes that could have really benefited from it. But worst of all, Lucas focused so much on the effects, everything else suffered. Sure, all the backgrounds look great, but he lost sight of what’s in the foreground: the characters, dialogue and story.

The screenplay is a convoluted mess about Senator Palpatine, aka The Emperor, aka the Phantom Menace, who’s trying to take over the government by forcing the queen’s signature (really). Young Obi-Wan and his unwise master, Qui-Gon, rescue the young queen, and in the process, encounter Anakin Skywalker, better known as Darth Vader, when he was just a child. The story is quite complicated. A lot of moviegoers probably don’t get it but just assume it makes sense. Well, it doesn’t. This is brainless writing for brainless audiences. Watch Mr. Plinkett’s review for a good psycho-analysis. Even Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor, the only good actors in the whole film, can’t sell lines this awful. It was like Lucas whipped out a rough draft in a single evening and never bothered to revise it. There are far too many blatant allusions to other works. Anakin was a virgin birth, just like Jesus in the Christian Bible. The droid army not only resemble Nazis, but John Williams even gave them the same musical motif he wrote for the Germanians in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. And the podrace was an (inferior) update of the chariot race from Ben-Hur. The characters are all eye candy, often covered in elaborate makeup or lifelike animation. But underneath all the glitter, they have zero personality (Darth Maul, Queen Amidala) or, worse yet, despicable personalities (Jar Jar Binks, Anakin). None of the "comical" scenes are funny. Yet, the film is full of unintentional humor, like how quickly the queen is able to change costumes, often so fast it plays like a running sight gag.

The film follows the Star Wars tradition of upping the number of simultaneous climactic battles, this time to four. Sadly, the only one worth watching is the lightsaber duel, mainly due to William’s epic score, while the other three are some of the worst Star Wars battles ever. I HATED how everything Jar Jar and Anakin did was accidentally advantageous. That kind of nonsense is hysterical in a Buster Keaton battle, but Star Wars is not a comedy! Even the Endor battle with the Ewoks was played seriously, despite some comic relief. It would have been much cooler and more character-appropriate to see Anakin and Jar Jar kick some ass on purpose. Even cheesy one-liners like "Take THAT!" would've been infinitely cooler than all the "Oopsies!" The excuse “The Force must have been guiding them” is ludicrous -- what about Jar Jar? Judging by the amount of “itty bitty accidenties” that led him to victory on the battlefield, he must have a higher midi-chlorian count than the entire jedi council put together.

Oh, god. "Midi-chlorians…" I had to cover my ears when Lucas gave a scientific explanation to The Force. The Phantom Menace isn’t terribly terrible, it’s just heartbreakingly disappointing, especially considering its potential with all the advanced technology. But it was that infinite power that ironically led to its downfall. I feel the same way about the videogame industry. Episode I marked the “beginning” of the Star Wars franchise as well as, in my opinion, the “end” of great filmmaking, ushering in an age where visual glamour takes precedence over great storytelling. Don’t be so proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed, Lucas. 3/5 stars.

Click here for my review of Attack of the Clones: You want to go home and rethink your life.