All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Final Fantasy

+Always buy protection.

+Remember to equip the protection before entering dungeons.

+Chicks dig sensitive guys.

+Animals are meant to be slaughtered.

+The best parties are those with four or five people.

+You're missing out bigtime if you don't get Star Wars references.

+Black, white, red, blue… get to know them all.

+Talk to everyone.

+All your loved ones will die.

+Everyone was born to master a different job.

+If your friends have long names, give them short nicknames.

+Experience outweighs gold.

+Wait your turn.

+Choose your battles.

+Learn from your enemies.

+Covet thy neighbors.

+Save your files frequently.

+You will not win on your first try.

+You will not win on your second try.

+You will win with perseverance.

Toy Story 3 Review

Toy Story 3

2010

Unplanned sequels are like unplanned pregnancies: most of them go unloved. That’s why I was afraid to see this movie. I was a huge fan of the original Toy Story. I was happily surprised with the second-born. Then a whopping eleven years passed. I was content with two Toy Stories. I didn't want another. But then Pixar got pregnant again. Toy Story 3 had such a huge age difference from its older brothers, I thought it would surely be aborted during pre-production or debut like a stillbirth at the box office. But Pixar was waiting for a reason. They didn’t follow the Hollywood trend of squeezing out another sequel as soon as the womb was fertile again. They held off until they were prepared with an amazing screenplay full of ideas as brilliant as its predecessors. The team may not have ever planned to make a third film, let alone a second, but now that it's here, I can't imagine how we ever went without it.

Woody and company haven’t been played with for years (I know how that feels). They desperately long for their owner's affection, but the child they fell in love with, Andy, is now a young man who lost interest in them long ago. As Andy packs for college, he intends to put the old toys in the attic, but a misunderstanding lands them at the Sunnyside Daycare Center. Their new home seems wonderful at first. The facility is beautiful, the staff is professional, and the toys get played with every day. But come nighttime, the daycare toys run it like a prison, led by an evil Lots-O-Huggin’ teddy bear. He, too, seems sweet and huggable at first, which immediately set off my built-in screenwriter's villain-detector. Sure enough, Lotso's rigged the system like a politician, forcing the new toys to endure rapelike playtime with toddlers in the “Caterpillar Room,” while Lotso and his cohorts enjoy orgasmic playtime with gradeschoolers in the “Butterfly Room.” Andy's toys resolve to escape the dreadful daycare center and return home before their owner leaves for college, despite the fact he doesn’t appear to care for them anymore.

No kid ever had a toy collection as cool as Andy's. And boy, are there a lot of them. I can’t think of a film that follows a larger ensemble of protagonists -- thirteen of them! Oh wait, there was Ocean's Thirteen... but "Andy's thirteen" are much more fun. Each member of the collective gets an equal share of the dialogue, jokes and important roles, as each of them have unique inherent abilities that come in handy during the delightfully over-elaborate escape -- Slinky Dog can stretch to great distances, and Mr. and Mrs. Potatoe Head have detachable, independently functional body parts. The writers really came up with some clever character-related concepts that I won't dare give away here. Joining the old toys are some welcome newcomers, my favorite being the hysterically metrosexual Ken Doll, who, of course, gets an instant Lincoln Log when he meets Barbie.

The story is great fun, accompanied by a wonderful soundtrack and Pixar's usual top-notch animation. My favorite part was the amazing climax, set in a landfill that makes the Temple of Doom look like Ken's Dreamhouse. The one section I disliked was when Buzz got reverted to his original, disillusioned state. I thought, not again... It was funny in the first film, and it worked in the second film when there were two Buzzes. But I couldn’t believe the writers resorted to the same old gag for a third time. Only minutes later, I found myself politely withdrawing my criticism, as the gag led to perhaps the funniest section of the film: attempting to fix Buzz, the others accidentally convert him to Spanish Buzz (think Antonio Banderas after a few shots of tequila).

Toy Story 3 was the greatest film made in what seems like lightyears, and it's my favorite of what is now one of my favorites trilogies. If you don't cry your eyes out during the ending, your batteries must be dead. These films are more than just children’s fantasies; they’re hilarious comedies, thrilling adventures and touching metaphorical dramas about love. They're the perfect films to watch if you're feeling heartbroken, because they do a great job of relating to your pain and an even better job of cheering you up. They inspire you to remain positive and courageous, because no matter how lonely and unwanted you feel, you will always find someone else who wants to play with you again. Thank you, Pixar. Thank you. 5/5 stars.