#10: Super Mario Bros.
1985/86
Doo-doo, doo, doo-doo, DOO! Gotta love that theme song. And no, my list isn’t upside down. Often ranked the #1 greatest game of all time, this revolutionary milestone saved the videogames from The Crash. True, if not for Super Mario Bros., some other game would have revived the industry, but I can't imagine a better hero than Mario. He marked the return of videogames by defining the platforming genre and laying the groundwork for all games to follow. The Mario universe is such a wonderfully wacky world, full of strange creatures and absurd logic. But it’s all so unique and memorable, even casual gamers know: you jump on enemy’s heads to kill them; shrooms make you grow; and collecting 100 coins gives you a 1up. To rescue Princess Toadstool, you’ll play through underground levels, sky levels a.k.a. “high levels,” water levels, ice levels that, humorously, aren’t even slippery (the programmers hadn’t figured that out yet), and of course, the Castles, which require you to memorize the correct path or you’ll magically end up back at the beginning. You’ll see all the familiar baddies: goombas, koopas, pirahna plants, lakitus, hammer bros., and of course, the perverted turtle-dragon that would never tire of cock-blocking the poor plumber. Bowser was the definitive boss battle. There’s great foreplay: his fireballs come flying at you before you even reach him. And when you finally do, the music changes to heighten the climax. Bowser’s horns defend himself against Mario’s main attack (jump), forcing you to find an alternative means of killing him, unless, like me, you're awesome enough to reach him with fireballs. I never thought about it before, but if that axe switch crumbles the bridge, why doesn’t Bowser simply pull it on Mario? Holy shit-balls. I just lost all respect for this game.
#9: Super Mario Bros. 2
1987/88
This game’s gotten a lot of heat it doesn’t deserve, mainly for its controversial history. Get this: it wasn’t even a Mario game in Japan. It was Yume Kōjō: Doki Doki Panic. But when the real Mario 2 bombed in the East, Nintendo decided not to release it in the West. Instead, they converted Doki Doki Panic into “Mario 2” by replacing the four playable characters (a father, mother, daughter and son) with Mario, Luigi, Peach and Toad. Smooth. Gamers who didn't know the skinny lauded the game for its odd departure from the Mario Bros. formula, and many who did know deemed the game a lie and a ripoff (although Doki Doki Panic was actually made by Nintendo). Anyway, those who just played the damn game with an open mind know how great it really was. You get to choose between the aforementioned characters before every level, each with different jumping abilities. I always went with the princess because she could hover! What an airhead. Instead of jumping on enemies to kill them, you had to pick up other objects to use as weapons, like vegetables, shells and even other enemies. Despite the fact it wasn’t originally a Mario game, it introduced quite a few enemies that ironically became regulars in the series, like bob-ombs, shy guys and pokeys. The final boss is a giant toad (not Bowser, surprisingly), whom you get to kill by force-feeding him veges while he tries to vommit on you. That alone should convince you this game is underrated.
#8: StarTropics
1990
Man, I love that title. Makes me picture myself on the beach of a tropical planet, sipping an interstellar beverage from a three-breasted alien. Ah... where was I? Oh yeah, the StarTropics review. It’s known as a Zelda clone, but in my opinion, StarTropics is better than either of the Zelda games on the NES. To be fair, both were good, but not great enough to warrant inclusion here. Zelda only set foot in the adventure genre. StarTropics planted the flag on the summit. You play as Mike, a young adventurer out to find your missing uncle who was kidnapped by “EVIL ALIENS!” In your yellow submarine, you travel between a cluster of tropical islands exploring caves, solving puzzles and slaughtering enemies with atypical weapons like a yoyo, slingshot and baseball bat. It’s a humorous game that also makes you think. At one point, you’re even prompted to “dip the letter in water” to reveal the secret message -- a letter that actually came with the game that, when dipped in water, revealed the code you need to progress. If you bought the game used like I did, you’ll have to look online for the code. I'd tell you what it is, but that would deprive you the joy of systematically guessing all 999 of the possible three-digit passwords. It’s a very challenging game, but it’s worth it. Not only for the satisfaction; the ending is the best on the NES.
#7: Mega Man
1987
The first in the series is still one of the best. There’s something very pure about it. The six robot masters and their powers are just so classic. Probably because Capcom was able to go with such basic powers like Fire Man and Ice Man, as opposed to later on in the series, when they desperately resorted to random ideas like Pharaoh Man and Hard Man (heh). My favorite powers in this entry were the Thunderbeam, which fired in three directions at once; the Ice Slasher, which froze enemies in place as well as fiery obstacles; and the Magnet Beam, which created platforms for you to jump on! The boss battles are excellent. In addition to the six robot masters, there’s also a Mega Man clone who mimics you and a Cycloptic Rock Monster who breaks into smaller pieces and shoots across the room before reforming on the other side. The Cyclops and Guts Man would reprise their roles many times throughout the series. I love how these early NES titles had an arcade-style “point-system,” like they thought people still gave a shit about competing for a high score on home consoles. Come on, that was so two videogame-generations ago.
#6: Mega Man II
1988/89
Number two is widely regarded as the best, and for obvious reasons. It introduced many trademark concepts, such as energy tanks, a password feature and better mechanics, like being able to jump higher when underwater and brief invincibility when you get damaged. The game also bumped the boss count up from 6 to the standard 8, and it was the first to feature the title character’s famous theme song. I waited until now to discuss the Mega Man music. Holy fuck. The series has some of the best techno and metal instrumentals you will ever hear, in videogames or otherwise. The coolest weapons were the Leaf Shield, a protective barrier that could then be fired as a weapon; Item 2, which was basically the hoverboard from Back to the Future II; and the almighty Metal Blade, the best weapon in any Mega Man game. It was too good. It could fire mega-powerful saws in any direction, including diagonally, and it took up hardly any weapon energy. They’re so good that when you fight Metal Man again in Wily’s Fortress, his own weapon kills him in one hit! Unlike a lot of other platformers, Mega Man games are really intelligently designed for intelligent gamers. You can’t just run your way through the levels like in Mario or blast your way through the levels like in Contra. You actually have to think, which I believe is the reason Mega Man has less but bigger fans than Mario.
#5: Metal Storm
1991
In this shrapnel-shreddin' shooter, you pilot a ninja-like mech sent to battle an evil computer system in outer space. You can run, jump, duck, shoot in 4 directions… seems like your everyday platformer… until you inevitably press “up” and “jump” at the same time and accidentally discover the game’s brilliant gimmick…
Yeah, at any point in any level, you can flip upward and land on the ceiling, or vise-versa. It’s, to this day, a highly original concept, and the whole game is built around it, like a hazardous playground. Flipping gravity also effects different enemies and objects. Though there are only six levels, each features its own unique characteristic. Level 2 is full of gates that open and close whenever you flip gravity, and level 6 has a wrap-around mechanic on the top and bottom of the screen (picture Mario jumping into a pit, then dropping down from the sky). The game’s quite difficult, mainly because it take some practice to master the “flipping” technique. After all, it’s not often you play a game where you run around on ceilings, duck upward and jump downward (other than Gravity Man's stage in MM5). But the difficulty is never too frustrating, thanks to perfect controls, great powerups, checkpoints, passwords and infinite continues. Throw in a rockin’ soundtrack and epic boss battles and you’ve got one action-packed package, not to mention a game that could only work in 2D.
#4: Mega Man III
1990
Finally, we reach my favorite of the six. The third MM game introduced Rush, the "slide" move and Protoman. Rush was Mega Man’s robotic-canine-sidekick, who could transform into different objects to help you. He could be Rush Spring, a coil to bounce you up to higher areas, Rush Marine, an underwater vehicle, and my favorite, Rush Jet, which was much like the hoverboard from MM2, only you got perfect control over it instead of having to ride it nonstop in one direction. You could use the jet anywhere, even in boss rooms! The “slide” move was great for slipping through tight spaces, traveling fast and dodging enemy attacks (which was very convenient, seeing as how Mega Man was never before able to duck). The most bitchin’ weapons were the Shadow Blades, ninja stars that boomerang’d back, Search Snakes, which slithered across the ground and up walls, and Magnet Missiles, which homed in on your enemies. The game also introduced the mysterious Break Man, better known as Proto Man. Is he a good guy or a bad guy? You’ll have to beat the game to find out. If I still haven’t converted you to a Mega Man fan, you can get all six of these games (and more) for the price of one: the Mega Man Anniversary Collection, available for many consoles. Best collection ever!
#3: Super Mario Bros. 3
1988/90
After the Mario 2 scandal, Nintendo more than redeemed themselves with the best Mario game yet! Mario 3 just had so much to offer. For the first time, the plumber could carry items, fly and play with his brother, Luigi! New enemies included chain chomps, boos, thwomps and the Koopa Kids, Bowser’s seven bastard children. There are eight huge worlds, each with their own theme: ice world, pipe world, giant world, etc., with a total of over seventy awesome levels. In addition to the classic powerups, there are over a dozen new ones, including a frog suit, which gives you amazing swimming skills; a hammer bros. suit, which lets you lob sledgehammers; and a leaf, which turns you into a raccoon, allowing you to fly -- yeah, because that makes sense. Miyamoto was definitely at Woodstock. Some items can only be used on the world map, like Juglem’s Cloud, which lets you skip right over a level, and the whistle from Zelda, which lets you warp past entire worlds. My favorite item was Kuribo’s Shoe, a powerup that allowed you to walk safely on sharp surfaces! Sadly, level 5-3 was only time in any Mario game this bitchin’ item ever appeared. What happened to that amazing shoe?! It sure would’ve came in handy on level 8-6! The coolest part of all was that you could save all these items in an inventory and use them later. To top it all off, there are three mini-games, including a port of the original Mario Bros. arcade game, where you can battle a friend. Speaking of 2-player, this is one of the best trade-off co-op games ever. It’s family tradition for my sister and I to play through it annually. I always “accidentally” die on levels before the mushroom houses so she has to beat the level and I get to steal the powerup. Sorry, sis!
#2: Adventures of Lolo
1988/89
You may recognize Lolo as a recurring boss in the Kirby games. But few know that the cross-eyed blue M&M was once the star of the greatest puzzle game of all time! Adventures of Lolo is actually a compilation of all the best levels from Japan’s Eggerland series. You're trying to rescue your girlfriend, Lala, who's being held prisoner in a castle filled with 11x11-room puzzles. It’s a perfect example of how great oldschool games could be -- the kind of game you could introduce to someone who thinks “old games suck” to win them over. If you ask me, the same rule applies to videogames and women: graphics don’t matter. Maybe that’s just what 8-bit guys say. The point is, Lolo may look plain, but it’s among the deepest and most brilliant games ever made. The puzzles are so ingenious, you actually feel yourself exercising brain muscles you never knew you had while solving them. I used to draw puzzles like these for my friends back in junior high and had no idea they drew on identical concepts from Lolo, so finding this game was a dream come true. As you progress, the game introduces new enemies, objects and items, but there are no tutorials, no hints, and no training wheels. You have to figure it all out for yourself, which is half the fun. If you corner yourself or simply want to restart the level, you can commit suicide with the select button (bet you’ve never seen that before). You get infinite continues, which, trust me, you’ll need. You’ll be replaying these levels multiple times. There are some real chin-scratchers that I guarantee would stump even those with the highest IQ. You're bound to think, "this red M&M bitch ain't worth it!" But no matter how stumped you get, do NOT resort to the internet for help. Because when you finally figure it out (and you will), you get the most wonderful sense of accomplishment. And the feeling you get from completing the entire game is indescribable.
#1: Adventures of Lolo 2
1990
HAL Labs did the impossible. They actually made a Lolo game better than the first! And this wasn’t just another slice of the Eggerland series, this was a brand new loaf, baby. The second game has even better puzzles, more of them, and a few new surprises up its sleeve. Lolo 2 is not only superior in the problem-solving department; it also features much more action! When you’re not staring at the screen trying to figure out how the fuck to pass a Medusa without a box to shield you, you’ll be outrunning Rockies trying to corner you, seeking constant cover from Don Medusas’ fire and even facing off against King Egger in a final boss battle! His name's really Egger -- I'm not just a hick trying to spell "Edgar." Lolo 2 is more difficult than the first but also more fun. I’ll never forget a dia-fucking-bolical little brainteaser I was stuck on for hours before realizing the deceptively-simple solution. If you’re at all a fan of puzzle games, you simply must play these. Hell, even if you’re not a fan of puzzle games you should try ‘em. To get a taste of Lolo, look up Acno's Energizer, a free, online Flash game with similar gameplay. I think the Lolo games should be used as placement tests in schools, or at least made available in the computer labs to increase students’ problem-solving abilities. Parents! These are the kind of games your kids should grow up with, not Wii (Prefer Indoor) Sports and Modern (Methods of Training Children for) Warfare. There was a third Lolo and it was dece, though not on par with the first two; just more of the same, with pointless new features, like tutorials (weak), choice in level order (though they all must be beaten) and being able to play as either Lolo or Lala (though they function identically). Surprisingly, the trilogy has gone extremely overlooked. In all my research, I’ve only come across them once, in an old, tattered issue of a Nintendo Power magazine. So, pssst! Lolo rocks. Pass it on.
Up next: My Top 5 Game Boy Games.
